I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
