Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
