I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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