Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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