Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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