32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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