I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
