I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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