you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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