That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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