Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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