Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
