hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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