hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
