? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
