The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
