i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
