that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you will always have a special place in my vag
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
