tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
