he thought i was a dude.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
