Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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