Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
