Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
