He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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