Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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