waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
