I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
