I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
