Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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