remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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