I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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