I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
