Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
third nipple confirmed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
