not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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