everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
there is puke in my bra ... again
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