I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
