I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
