sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
bring money and cleavage
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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