the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
