The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
