i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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