Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
