meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
