two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dignity is for republicans.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
