theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
