Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
