My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
