he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
