ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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