I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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