So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
