She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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