I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
