i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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