I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
