I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
