If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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