My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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