I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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