Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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