God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just gift wrapped bread.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drunk is a universal language darling
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
