when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
