Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
