Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
