would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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