On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
