I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
