she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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