I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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