shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
