i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
