Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
