So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
